You smell like a Billy Joel song
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
