Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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