im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
