she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Sober January is a disaster.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
