Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
