Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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