oh god the rape fog is back!
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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