She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
