3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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