Well douche your snatch and let's go!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
