there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
