I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
