Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
