how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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