this just has baby written all over it
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
