i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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