I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
