Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
