would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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