This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
