He uses pillows to masturbate.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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