aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
And then he peed in my hair
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