Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
