Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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