Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
