I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
