i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
