Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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