i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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