sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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