When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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