You don't have asthma, your pregnant
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
