I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
