everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
