I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
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Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She even gives head with a lisp.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
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It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize