sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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