I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
