Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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