chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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