the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
