you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
