He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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