Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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