I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
