I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
