Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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