TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
