Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
