some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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