The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
