It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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