I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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