you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
