Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
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Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
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That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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