I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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