If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
