If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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