thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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