I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
