Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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