It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
