You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
