Sober January is a disaster.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
