In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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