thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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