I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize