if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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