evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
