An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
