Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
