The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
