I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
