i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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