he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
