did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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