I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
