that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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