Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
