I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
