She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
