Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
