Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
