Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
