almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
