what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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